


God Cries

by Uriellyodd



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uriellyodd/pseuds/Uriellyodd
Summary: As he fell asleep, Tyler swore that he’d wake up in the middle of the night, sneak into Josh’s house, break into Laura and Bill’s rooms and do something awful to to them for hurting his friend.But when he awoke that morning, Josh had already been up for hours. He was smiling, he was laughing with Debby and Jenna. He was acting as if nothing had happened. The only indicator of the night before was the quarter-sized newly formed bruise on his collarbone, yellow and green.He was sixteen and a day.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. An Invitation

**Author's Note:**

> aka i read the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood and got too inspired

Tyler remembered receiving the invitation to Josh’s 16th birthday party in the mail. He had opened up the cream colored envelope made of heavy, thick paper and read the words, ‘You, Tyler Joseph, are invited to Amy Dun’s sweet sixteen! Please dress formally. June 18, 6:00 p.m.’  
He had smiled even though Amy had asked Tyler to address him as Josh, and that he was not actually a girl. Tyler had been taken aback at first, but understood what his best friend had meant and offered unconditional love and support.  
Josh was still Amy Dun, cheerleader and beautiful captain of the swim team, to his parents. Josh had never told his parents what he wanted to be called, nor had he informed them that they didn’t actually have two daughters instead of the three they believed they had.  
However, Tyler had noticed that the invitations had been sent out by Bill Dun- Laura Dun’s name was absent from the invitation, which seemed out of place and struck Tyler in a way that he knew was wrong.  
“Mom?”  
Kelly Joseph looked up from her book. “What is it, Tyler?”  
“Josh’s birthday party is on June 18th. Can I go?”  
Kelly Joseph smiled at her son. “You know Josh is like a son to me. Of course.”  
Kelly and her husband Chris were the only adults Josh had come out to and were fiercely protective of him. Kelly motioned for Tyler to show her the invitation, the smile dropping from her face as she got to the bottom. “Of course Laura’s name isn’t on here,” she sighed.  
“Why isn’t it on there?” Tyler was troubled. It only made sense that both parents names would be on the invitation. Even though he was very aware of the problems in their marriage, the blackballing of Laura Dun’s name from the invitation was something that even Tyler knew was drastic.  
“Laura didn’t want to throw Josh a party. You know how she is, devout Catholic. She believes Josh is spoiled by the world already, and doesn’t need a party. Bill and Laura argued about it for a month.” Kelly pinched her nose bridge as if to set off a headache. “Bill wanted the party and Laura refused. I got so many phone calls from her for that. So I suppose Bill sent out invitations anyway. Petty man.”  
Tyler was aware his mother was not fond of the Duns, but was still surprised by the disdain in his mother’s voice.  
“I assume you know of the way Bill treats Laura?”  
Tyler nodded. He knew exactly what his mother was talking about- every time he hung out with Josh, Laura was there. She made them hang out on the back porch because- “Amy Dun, the day you spend time with a boy alone in your room is the day I stop praying to the Virgin Mary”- but other than that, Laura Dun was not a prominent figure in the Dun household. She was always cleaning something, cooking something, and always provided snacks for Tyler and Josh when they asked, but she did not do it in a motherly way- no, Laura Dun behaved like a maid in her own home.  
Bill Dun left all parental behaviors to Laura, and was even less physically prominent, but still somehow in charge. Nobody in the Dun household could simply have a conversation with their dad, they had to first ask, “Sir, may I interrupt you?” Bill was a strict man and did not object to relying on what he called ‘old-fashioned disciplinary methods’ to exhibit control over his four children. Raising his hand or a belt did not strike him as an abnormal behavior, it was simply the way children were to be taught.  
Tyler held a strong dislike for Bill Dun. Josh, Tyler, Brendon, Debby, Jenna and Ryan could be talking and laughing on the back porch like they usually were, but as soon as Bill Dun’s car pulled in front of the house Josh quickly set his drink down on the porch railing and they all had to be quiet until Bill’s footsteps had long since faded into the house.  
Never in his life had Tyler seen either of Josh’s parents show any sort of physical affection towards each other or towards their children, and Tyler had known Josh practically his whole life. Because of this, Tyler arrived at the conclusion that Bill and Laura simply did not love each other. Maybe they did at one point, but whatever attraction they shared had fizzled out almost immediately after they had gotten married. It was the only logical explanation.  
Mrs. Joseph sighed and dismissed Tyler with a flick of her hand as she looked back down at her book. Tyler headed over to the Dun household as his mother’s hand turned pages. 

———————————

Tyler arrived at the stately white house with the four columns and the porch, but instead of walking up to the front door and ringing the doorbell he ran around the side of the house. He counted the windows- second story, second on the left- pulled an acorn out of his pocket and threw it hard enough to make it bounce off the glass and fall in the patch of dandelions under the rain pipe.  
Soon enough, the window slid open and Josh stuck his head out, a huge grin on his face.  
“Tyler! Where are we going?”  
“The creek,” called Tyler. “Bring a jacket, it might get cold tonight.”  
Josh answered with a wider smile and ducked his head back into his room, sliding the window shut.  
Soon enough, Tyler could hear the front door opening and Josh calling to his mother, “I’m going out for dinner with Debby and Jenna, mom.”  
He bounded down the front steps and swung into view. “Hey Tyler!”  
“Hey Josh. What’s new?”  
Josh shrugged, sliding his arms into his hoodie and pulling it over his head. “Everything’s the same.” He pulled his long hair back and into a bun. Tyler knew that Josh wore his hair like that because it was ‘the most male hairstyle’ he could do with the dark curly hair that reached all the way down to his ass that his mother made him grow. “You?”  
“Same.”  
Tyler and Josh walked to the creek in comfortable silence. As they made their way into the nearby forest and the sounds of the creek grew louder, Tyler broke the silence. “So, sweet sixteen, huh?”  
They arrived at the creek and Josh pulled the rain tarp out of the log they hollowed out while Tyler moved rocks away from the square flattened out in the grass from the amount of times they had been there. Josh shook out the tarp and laid it on top of the square, letting it nestle into the marks already indented in the forest floor. It was big enough to barely fit their entire six member friend group if they squeezed, but as Tyler and Josh laid on it they still pressed their shoulders tightly against each other.  
“What about it?” asked Josh, staring at the sky.  
“What’s the deal with it? You said you didn’t want one,” said Tyler gently, his hand making its way to Josh’s head and playing with his hair.  
Josh frowned. “I know. I don’t want one. But for some reason my dad really, really wanted to throw me one.”  
Tyler raised an eyebrow instead of responding. He fished two cigarettes out of the carton in his pocket and handed one to Josh, who gently balanced it between his fingers and held it out to Tyler. Flicking open his lighter and touching the tip to Josh’s cigarettes and then his, he commented rather drily, “That’s quite out of character of Bill, isn’t it?”  
Josh held his cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply. “It definitely was. And my mom really, really didn’t want it. Not sure why. But my dad was super determined. No clue about that either. They argued about it a lot.” Another deep pull from the cigarette. “I guess Bill sent them out anyway.”  
Tyler shook his head. “I rarely hear your mom talk. I’m surprised she argues with your dad at all.”  
Josh moved his head so that it was resting on Tyler’s chest. “I am, too. Although it’s less of arguing as it is protesting while my dad steamrolls ahead and does what he wants.”  
Tyler continued playing with Josh’s hair. “Maybe it’ll be fun.”  
“Fun? I’ll have to wear a dress, Tyler. People telling me I’ve grown into a ‘lovely woman’. Answering to the name Amy for the whole night. And even with you there, you’ll still have to call me Amy in front of everyone else there. It’ll suck, Tyler.” Josh turned onto his side so that he was facing Tyler. “Well, think of it like this. You’re a spy, Josh Dun, pretending to be a sixteen year old girl named Amy. Your mission is to blow out those candles because the world depends on it.” Tyler nudged Josh under his chin and blow a stream of smoke at him. “Brendon and Debby and Ryan and Jenna and I will be there, the only ones who know of your secret identity.” Josh smiled a little. “It might work if I think of it like that.” “You’ll be okay, Josh.” Tyler’s voice dropped to a whisper as he held Josh in his arms. They listened to the sounds of the creek as the light faded.


	2. Glittering Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not a girl, but you look beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy :)

Debby and Jenna had come over before the party to help Josh get ready, running up to his room and carrying makeup compacts and beauty tools.   
“Josh, I know it sucks you have to pretend to be a girl for tonight, but if you don’t look absolutely amazing your cover might be blown,” said Jenna, mimicking a spy. “The mission tonight must go smoothly.”   
Debby smiled gently at Josh and brushed a tear off his cheek. “I know baby. But just for tonight, ok? Then you can keep wearing your big hoodies and sweatpants.”  
Josh nodded. “I know I have to do this. I just.. wish I could wear a tux or something. But my moms too Catholic to allow that and my dad is too.. terrifying to.”  
Jenna frowned sympathetically at Josh, touching his cheek. “Maybe we can still keep your hair in a bun, since it’s the only thing we can do to keep it at least a little masculine.” She lifted a few ringlets, studying it. “Of course, we still have to do something to it, but we’ll keep as much product from it as possible.”  
Debby nodded in agreement. “And even though your dad picked out your dress, you can wear your boxers and your binder underneath. Will that help at least a little?”   
“It’s better than nothing.”  
“Well, Agent Dun, we’ll need to get you suited up,” Jenna said in her leader-of-the-FBI voice. “You’re our best man for the job.”  
Josh laughed a little as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head. “Get me suited up then, Agent Black. The cosmetology department better get to work.”

———————————————

After Jenna and Debby finished getting Josh ready, they had to leave so they could also get dressed for the party. They departed with a flourish and a “We’ll see you tonight in about an hour- stay sharp, Agent Dun”, and then they were out the door. Josh sat on his bed, uncomfortable and avoiding the mirror on his wall. He fidgeted with his hands in his lap, twisting the rings back and forth on his fingers as his thoughts grew louder.  
I’m not a girl. I’m a boy. I’m a spy. I’m just pretending to be a girl for an important mission. The fate of the world hangs in balance.   
He was roused from his thoughts when there was a knock on his door.   
“Huh?”  
The door opened to reveal his siblings, smiling nervously. “Hey Josh, can we come in?”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
“You look great, bro,” commented Jordan. “You’d look more appropriate in a tux or something, but you still pull off the dress.”  
“Thanks,” sighed Josh. “I feel like I’m still a girl in this, though,” he said, gesturing to the winged eyeliner around his eyes and the mascara framing his lashes.   
“Clothes have no gender, Josh,” offered Ashley, sitting next to her brother.   
“It’s not even the big sparkly dress, it’s the makeup. It makes me look so feminine,” admitted Josh.   
Abigail tilted her head, studying him. “It’s not too bad. I see Debby purposely contoured your jaw to look more square and therefore, more masculine.” She deftly tilted his head up, placing two fingers under his chin. “Clever. Subtle, but still noticeable. She also did the same to your nose. You look more masculine, but without close inspection it’s undetectable to see what it is.”  
“She did? That’s pretty cool,” Josh begrudgingly allowed.   
“It’s not so bad, man. You kind of look like what you are. A dude in a dress,” Jordan tilted his head and finished, “which will piss off mom and dad, but they won’t be able to tell exactly what it is. Fun. Dad may even have that aneurism we’re all waiting for him to run into.”

————————

Tyler Joseph paused on the Dun’s front porch and straightened his tie, unable to answer why he felt so nervous. Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell.   
“Hey Tyler! Come on in! Josh- uh..” Jordan looked around to see who was nearby. After his eyes settled on a rather large woman nearby with her neck covered in pearls, he quickly backtracked, “Uh, Amy is in the kitchen! We’re all in there. If you brought a present, you can leave it on the table.”  
“Cool. Thanks Jordan.” Tyler carefully laid a package on the table already covered with presents and stepped in. As Jordan and Tyler walked through the house, Tyler lowered his voice and asked, “Uh, who’s the lady that can’t hear Amy’s real name?”  
“Aunt Belinda. Insanely religious maniac.”  
“Ah. Makes sense.”  
Tyler made his way into the kitchen, the source of all the noise.   
Josh was standing in the dining room, the center of attention. Bill and Laura stood behind him, and the look on Laura’s face was almost.... contemptuous as she glared at Josh. She agitatedly fingered the rosary beads hanging around her neck as her lips moved in what seemed to be silent prayer.   
Bill had his expression schooled into complete calm, either not noticing the death glare his wife was throwing at his son or simply not caring. Tyler decided that both were equally likely.   
“Why is your mom so mad?” whispered Tyler.  
Jordan frowned. “She’s really, really against this party. Maybe it’s a religion thing.”  
Tyler gazed at Josh, a smile lighting his features as he gazed at his best friend. Despite looking very different from what he was used to, Tyler noted with pride that his friend was absolutely gorgeous.   
His long curls were piled on top of his head in a ‘messy’ bun that simultaneously seemed effortless but also carefully done, a small tiara sat in his hair and it sparkled in the light as Josh tossed his head back to laugh at something one of his sisters was saying to him. He was wearing earrings, small studs that matched the tiara and the necklace. The jewelry matched the dress Josh was wearing as well, an off-shoulder wine red number that tapered in at his waist and flowed back out again. His makeup was minimal and tasteful, his nose and chin looking more square in the lighting of the kitchen. Josh’s lips were a soft shade close to their natural color, his freckles and teeth easily visible through his smile.   
“Jenna and Debby did a great job with the makeup. They only did his eyes and blush and a little lip gloss, you know. They were careful to not use more than what his relatives would be looking for.”  
Jordan glanced over at Tyler, expecting some kind of response but smirked instead. “Dude, quit staring at my brother like that.”  
“What? I wasn’t staring,” Tyler said quickly, jerking his head to the side. “He just... does his chin look more square to you?”  
Tyler felt two arms grabbing him from behind as Debbys voice squealed in his ear, “Contour!”  
Tyler spun around to see Jenna and Debby, who had arrived together. They wore matching strapless black dresses and smiles, but the similarities stopped there. Jenna’s dress was a high-low, and she wore bright red lipstick and dangling earrings. Her long blond hair was tied back in a low ponytail and she wore heels that made her a few inches taller.   
Denny’s strapless dress ended mid-thigh, and she wore a neutral lipstick and hoop earrings, which paired well with her wavy auburn hair cascading down her back and her strappy black heels.  
“Doesn’t Josh just look amazing?” gushed Jenna.  
“Our finest work,” agreed Debby.   
Josh turned and saw them from across the room, and his smile practically lit up the entire kitchen. “Tyler! Jenna! Debby! Hey, you guys!”  
The three of them made their way through the sea of Josh’s friends and relatives before they stood in front of him.   
“Josh, you look great,” Tyler’s voice cracked as he spoke.   
“Thanks Tyler! You do too. Hey, your tie kind of matches my dress!”   
They all gasped delightedly as they realized. “Wow, your tie and your dress are, like, the exact same color!” exclaimed Jenna.   
“Oh wow, it really is,” marveled Tyler.   
“So? How are you feeling?” asked Debby, putting her arm around Josh in a one-armed hug.   
Josh's eyes darted nervously behind him. “Uh, better than I thought I would,” he said carefully, trying not to say anything suspicious.   
“The mission’s going well?” joked Tyler, gently judging him with his elbow. It earned him a smile.   
“Mission is going smoothly, Agent Joseph.”  
“Hey, Brendon and Ryan just got here!” Debby exclaimed excitedly as she waved them over.   
Josh laughed. “Ryan’s outfit might make some of my more religious relatives call for a priest.”  
Ryan took pride in his rather odd and old-fashioned sense of style, and tonight he was wearing a red vest over a white dress shirt, which was pretty normal. However, the odd part was- the right breast of the vest was covered in red fabric roses, some of them made from tulle material. The real twist in the knife was the long chain dangling from his left shoulder that connected to his right shoulder. It did look pretty good, if Tyler was being honest, just a little unorthodox.   
“I don’t know, Brendon’s suit might do the trick instead,” joked Jenna.  
Brendon was dressed in a traditional suit, but a little more outrageously covered in gold sequins.   
“Hey, guys!” he greeted them happily. “Sorry we’re late, I had to give Ryan a ride.”   
Ryan smiled a little and elbowed Brendon in the side. “Brendon was actually the one who had to make sure his hair was done perfectly.”  
“And you have to admit, it is perfect,” Brendon teased, running his hands through his hair.   
Both were completely unaware that behind them, Aunt Belinda had choked on her wine and was staring in complete shock at the two high schoolers wearing what seemed to be VERY unorthodox and rather homosexual suits.   
“It’s cake time!” cried Ashley and Abigail. A hush fell over the room as Jordan turned the lights out and the two sisters carried in the cake, a sheet of strawberry cake with layers of jam and buttercream in between, coated in a blanket of snowy white and dotted with swirls of whipped cream and strawberry halves. There were sixteen candles placed around the cake, and on top of it were the words, “Happy Birthday Amy!” iced in light blue curlicues.  
They carefully set the cake down on the table and the party gathered around as Josh leaned over the cake.   
“Happy birthday to you....”  
Josh closed his eyes.   
“...happy birthday to you!”  
He took a deep breath.  
“Happy birthday dear Amyyyy...”  
He thought of his wish.   
“Happy birthday to you!”  
He blew out the candles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave feedback please! still trying to improve


	3. A Great Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well looks like some shit went down

“It’s time for presents! Me first,” Abigail announced after they had eaten the cake. The party had moved to the table covered in presents and now Abigail picked out a rectangular package wrapped in bright green. “Open it!” she cried excitedly as she thrusted the package at Josh.  
Josh laughed and started tearing at the wrapping paper. “Vic Firth drumsticks? Thank you so much!” he exclaimed as he drew one out to examine the thin wood.  
“And a stick bag! So you can leave them someplace besides on the floor of your room.”  
“Thanks, Abigail! I really appreciate it.” Josh drew his sister into a hug.  
“My present is next,” declared Jordan. He picked up a strangely lumpy package and tossed it at Josh, who deftly caught it midair.  
“An interesting shape,” joked Josh, peeling the tape from an especially erratically shaped lump. “You got me a hoodie!” He held up an oversized black hoodie with the NASA logo on the front.  
“Oversized. Just how you like it,” said Jordan, discreetly referring to the fact that Josh preferred baggier clothes to hide his chest.  
“Thanks, Jordan! It’s so soft and I swear I’m gonna wear it literally all the time,” grinned Josh as he carefully folded the hoodie and set it aside.  
Jenna had gotten Josh a contour kit, cleverly disguising it as a makeup set, but it was really so Josh could contour his jawline to appear more square. “For sharper features. I’ll show you how to use it,” she said, winking discreetly. Josh greatly appreciated the gift and may have teared up a little when he hugged Jenna, which may have seemed a little odd to his relatives.  
For Ryan, it was only appropriate that his gift matched the level of uniqueness and character that the gift-giver possessed. Josh received a hand-knitted scarf and a pin attach to the scarf that Ryan had made to look like a UFO had landed on his shoulder.  
From Debby, Josh received two $10 gift cards to Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts, and an additional $20 gift card to Taco Bell. The gift was met with great enthusiasm from Josh but ran into some side-eye from his more conservative relatives.  
Brendon had given Josh a snapback hat that he’d taken the liberty to bedazzle with rhinestones and glitter. That one really drew some silent protest from Aunt Belinda.  
Ashley gifted her brother a large reusable water bottle. “I know you work out a lot and you always have to make your protein shakes in a coffee mug and it’s really weird,” she’d explained.  
Josh absolutely loved his gift from Tyler, an oversized tee with the X-Files logo emblazoned on it.  
From the rest of his relatives, Josh was given pairs of socks, assorted jewelry (he planned on giving these to Ashley, Abigail, Jenna, Debby and maybe Ryan, who appreciated the occasional bracelet or ring, but Josh decided he’d keep the less fancy earrings), shirts that actually fit him (those would go to Ashley or Abigail), a pair of high heels (Ryan or Brendon would appreciate those), makeup, nail polish (all colors besides black or white would go to Ryan), and from Aunt Belinda, rosary beads and a Bible.  
To everyone’s surprise, Bill Dun stepped up when the last present was opened, and announced, “I have gotten Amy a present.”  
Josh’s eyes widened, as did everyone else’s. Bill Dun was not known for caring about his children. The party fell silent.  
Tyler watched as Laura Dun’s face went through all seven stages of grief within five seconds before it finally settled on pure hatred, which she directed towards Josh.  
“..Why is your mom looking at Josh like that?” Tyler whispered to Jordan.  
Jordan frowned. “I don’t know.. she could be jealous?”  
“Jealous? That’s unlikely.”  
“No, I’ve never seen my mom and dad show each other affection. Ever. They don’t celebrate anniversaries and they never give each other gifts. I honestly don’t know why they’re not divorced,” answered Jordan.  
Josh looked shocked as his father removed a small black box from his suit pocket and handed it to him.  
“Open it,” demanded Bill, looking uncomfortable at the attention from the partygoers.  
Josh glanced uncertainly at his father as he slowly opened the box, mouth dropping open when he saw what was inside. “Oh, my god,” he uttered. He reached in and lifted out a ring with a massive diamond sparkling in the center with multiple small diamonds sparkling in the band of the ring. He turned to his father, mouth agape. “Is this.. real?”  
“2.5 carat,” answered his father, an odd sort of pride settling in his features.  
“Oh, my god,” repeated Josh. “Thank you.”  
“Put it on, Amy. It’s for you. You’ve grown into a lovely young woman.”  
Josh slid the ring down on his pointer finger of his right hand, still as shocked as the other party guests.  
Next to Tyler, Jordan muttered, “What the hell kind of a game is that man playing?”  
Tyler was bewildered. “What do you mean?”  
“Bill Dun is not a good man. He wouldn’t have thrown Josh a party or gotten him a gift for no reason. There’s a reason behind a diamond that big and expensive.”  
Ryan elbowed Tyler sharply. “Oh my god, look at Laura,” he hissed.  
Tyler turned his head swiftly to see Laura Dun clutching her rosary beads so hard her knuckles turned white.  
Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest, jaw clenched and she was staring at Josh like he was about to kill him. Her left eye was twitching in the most frightening way.  
Bill Dun rather self consciously kissed Josh on the forehead. “Do you like it?”  
The party slowly started to buzz back to life and was back in full swing within seconds.  
Tyler was stunned. In the 10 years sense he’d known Josh, he had seen Bill Dun slap Josh upside the head, he had seen Bill Dun scream at Josh, he had seen Bill Dun threaten to sell all of Josh’s belongings, but he had never seen Bill Dun express any kind of affection toward anyone, ever, including his wife.  
“Oh my god, it’s beautiful,” gasped Josh, turning his hand to let the diamonds catch the light. He turned to his mother. “Mom, isn’t it beautiful?”  
For a moment, Laura looked as if she was about to slap Josh. She grabbed Josh’s hand, studied the ring and then flung it away like it was something disgusting.  
“Bill Dun,” hissed Laura. “That is not a proper gift for a YOUNG GIRL.”  
Bill Dun looked at his wife and, as if he hadn’t heard her, turned away and began conversing with dinner guests.  
Josh was frightened at the vicious reaction his mother was having, and his siblings, Ryan, Brendon, Jenna, Debby and Tyler quickly pulled him away and huddled protectively around him.  
Laura looked as if she were about to scream, cry, do something dramatic, her chest heaving as her face turned red and the shock evident on her face morphed into anger. She probably would have slapped someone- Josh, or Bill, when Aunt Belinda hissed, “for God’s sake, Laura, stop making a damn fool of yourself. If you didn’t carry on so, your husband would give YOU diamonds.”  
Laura looked stunned, but schooled her expression into complete calm. She reached for Josh’s hand again, studied the ring, and said in a flat, expressionless voice, “Well aren’t you just the luckiest little girl God ever made?”  
Then Laura Dun turned on her heel and disappeared into the master bedroom. She was not seen for the rest of the party.


	4. Burn in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i took too much inspo from divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood so read the book, it makes me cry all the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it

It was already one in the morning when the party started to wind down, guests departed, Aunt Belinda left with one last scandalous glare at Ryan and Brendon, and the house was still brightly lit against the dark but much less busy.  
Josh, Tyler, Brendon, Jenna, Debby and Ryan stayed behind, however, and they were sitting in chairs on the back porch.  
It was pitch black outside, but they had brought lanterns and candles with them and the porch lights were on. The world around them was inky-black, but the porch that night was illuminated as they talked about their dreams and plans for the future.  
They each had a glass of either Coke or sweet tea, except Brendon had some sort of unholy combination of the two.  
“I feel like a girl,” sighed Josh at some point, gesturing toward his dress. Tyler considered him a moment, then undid his tie and handed it to him. “It’s the same color as your dress,” he explained. “But it’s for a suit.” Josh smiled at Tyler like he was his world. The bang of the back door being flung viciously open would echo in Tyler’s mind forever.  
Laura Dun walked onto the back porch, ripping open the little bubble the six had settled into. The talk of dreams stopped, laughter was put on hold.  
Laura wore her bathrobe, rosary dangling from her hand as she crossed the porch to Josh. “Amy, give me your hand,” she demanded.  
Josh looked up, confused. “It’s beautiful, right mom?” he tried again, desperately trying to gain his mother’s approval. He held out his hand to Laura, the ring sparkling in the porch light.  
Laura Dun did not admire the ring. Instead, she slid it off her son’s finger. Her gaze flitted from her son’s friends and then back to Josh, where she focused.  
“What you did to make your father give you this is a mortal sin. God will not forgive you.”  
Then she turned and left the room, slamming the door closed behind her.  
Josh stared after her and his lower lip began to tremble. His foot started to shake; they could all feel it as it sent a vibration through the porch floorboards.  
They didn’t know what to say.  
“I didn’t do anything to make him give it to me. I didn’t do anything wrong,” whispered Josh. “I didn’t even want the party, for god’s sake.”  
“She’s a bitch,” Ryan muttered. “An insecure, jealous bitch.”  
Debby tried to comfort Josh by bringing them back to the party. “Remember when we were dancing? It was old fashioned, but fun,” she said, “and you and Tyler did the first dance to ‘Hey There Delilah’?”  
Josh didn’t respond.  
Tyler wanted to run into the house, grab Laura Dun by the shoulders, take the ring back, and shake some sense into her. He wanted to look her in the eyes and yell, ‘That is not how you treat people!’ He glanced sideways. Jenna and Brendon appeared to be thinking the same thing. Tyler forced himself to stay in the chair and took a sip of tea to try and calm himself down.  
The friends tried to comfort Josh the same way people comfort babies who are upset about things they don’t understand.  
When they heard the yelling and screaming from inside the house, they didn’t even know what it was, maybe Jordan or Ashley or Abigail having a fight like siblings do before they turn fifteen.  
It turned out to not be Josh’s siblings. There was a brief moment of silence, then the yelling started again, but louder. It was Josh’s parents, the Duns. They could hear Bill’s deep voice as he bellowed at his wife, and the sound of Laura’s crying. There was a crash, and then they heard Mr. Dun yell “GodDAMN you!”  
They were afraid; the Duns fighting were not like their own parent’s fighting. The Duns were different, they made them feel like they weren’t safe in their home.  
Rapid footsteps approached, and the back foot was once again flung open, this time so hard that it slammed into the wall and rebounded so that it had to be pushed open again.  
Mr. Dun roughly pushed his wife onto the porch. His face was red and his breathing was heavy. Laura’s bathrobe was torn open at the shoulder, they could see her nightgown underneath.  
“Do it, Laura. Give her back the ring,” demanded Mr. Dun.  
Laura stood, and the porch was silent except for the Dun’s heavy breathing. She did not move and instead stared down at her bare feet on the wood floor.  
“Did you hear me? I said, give the girl the fucking ring, you pathetic Catholic bitch!”  
Then Mr. Dun shoved his wife so that she was standing next to Josh. Her own shaking added to her son’s and it made the wood floor double its vibration.  
Mr. Dun yanked his wife’s hand to him and roughly pried open her clenched fist, finger by finger, until she cried out in pain and the ring dropped to the floor, where it landed with a hollow sounding thunk onto the wood.  
Then Bill Dun slapped his wife once, hard, across the face.  
“Pick it up.” His voice was strangely calm, but uneven as if he were struggling to rein in his fury. “Pick it up and give it to Amy.”  
Laura Dun bent and picked up the ring. Then she flung it at Josh. It bounced off his collarbone and landed into his lap, setting in the folds of his dress. It was wine-red in the brightly lit house, now it looked more blood-red and he gasped at the sudden pain, fingers darting up to run at the tender spot at his collarbone.  
Tyler was afraid Mr. Dun would strike Josh too. It would not have been the first time.  
Bill Dun took a step towards Josh. He was a tall man, threatening even though he was wearing pajamas. Around Josh, his friends all tensed, glancing at each other to silently agree to protect Josh if he was in danger of being hit.  
Instead, he picked up the ring and grabbed Josh’s hand, pressing it hard into his palm.  
“Here, Amy,” he said. “I gave this ring to you. It’s yours. From me to you, I want you to have it. Do you understand?”  
He sounded almost desperate, voice shaking with barely controlled aggression.  
Josh said nothing.  
“Answer me, Amy,” he said, some of the anger creeping back into his voice. Tyler saw Ryan rise slightly out of his chair.  
“Yes, sir,” whispered Josh. “I understand.” The ring dropped back into Josh’s lap.  
Ryan sat back down. He was clenching his fists.  
Bill Dun glanced briefly at Tyler, Jenna, Ryan, Brendon and Debby, sitting tensely and with barely reigned anger.  
He turned and, sneering at his wife, he said, “What do you have to say, making a fool of yourself in front of Amy’s friends?”  
Laura did not answer. They could see her lips moving as they usually did when she was silently praying to the Virgin Mary.  
Suddenly Laura turned to face Josh. Without speaking, Laura picked up the ring and jammed it aggressively onto her son’s finger. Josh cried out in pain. Instinctively Tyler leaped out of his chair and reached out to grab Laura’s hand and fling it away from Josh, but before he got there Laura turned and fled back into the house.  
Mr. Dun followed, slamming the door behind him.  
“Burn in hell,” Debby hissed as soon as the footsteps retreated far enough. “Rot and burn in hell.”  
They had all jumped up to do something when Laura jammed the ring onto Josh’s finger and now they gathered around Josh to hold him, to comfort him and to try to make him feel better.  
Jenna and Debby pulled Josh close to them and held him close. Brendon began to cry and Ryan began to curse.  
“Both of them, sons of bitches! Overdeveloped cum bubbles, they are,” he hissed creatively.  
Brendon briefly entered the house and came out with a box of tissues and an ice pack, which he placed on Josh’s collarbone, where a new bruise was forming. He took a tissue and began to wipe Josh’s cheeks, where tears ran from his eyes. He then wiped his own tears and said, “Josh, honey, we love you. We love you so much.”  
Josh still did not speak.  
Tyler gently cupped Josh’s face in his hands. He could feel the pounding of his friend’s heart.  
“Oh, baby,” Tyler said softly, stroking his face wit his thumb.  
Ryan gave everyone a cigarette and they passed around his lighter, which he had painted with flowers.  
“Come on, Josh,” he said softly in his light androgynous voice. “Let’s smoke a cig and talk.”  
Josh smoked the Newport that Ryan handed him. He stared at the porch railing.  
“Are you okay, hon?” Debby asked gently.  
“You shouldn’t have to stay here,” Tyler told Josh. “You could come stay with me. You know my parents love you like one of their own. And Maddie and Zach would love it.”  
Josh still didn’t say anything.  
“Josh,” said Ryan. “Your mother is crazy and your father is crazy.”  
“She’s no type of crazy,” spat Jenna. “She is a jealous bitch. An insecure woman upset that she married someone she doesn’t even love.”  
“My mother loves me,” Josh said softly.  
“Well, let her act like it! She never even speaks to you, even when she’s not angry. She does the bare minimum. You have absolutely no emotional connection with her,” muttered Brendon.  
“This ring is worth a whole lot of money,” said Debby, gently touching Josh’s hand.  
“My dad got it for me,” Josh said. “He picked it out himself.”  
The mechanical quality of Josh’s voice scared Tyler.  
“You can do whatever you want with that ring,” he said. “You could sell it if you want.”  
They all looked at him and then back at Josh.  
Jenna said, “It’s all yours.”  
“Like money in the bank,” said Brendon.  
Josh nodded and looked at his best friends. “Well, how about that?” he said finally. “I’m rich, huh?”  
“Yes,” Ryan said. “You’re rich.”  
They fell silent after that. It was a warm summer night. The porch light cast everything in a hazy yellow glow. The cigarette smoke drifted into the woods behind the house.  
If Mr. or Mrs. Dun had stepped back onto the porch that night, Tyler would have punched them. He would have knocked them right down the stairs.  
They all stayed the night on the back porch, still wearing their dresses and gowns and suits, and they slept on the floor, huddled protectively around Josh. Tyler pulled him close and kissed his cheek, feeling the familiar warm sense spread through his chest as Josh snuggled into his arms.  
As he fell asleep, Tyler swore that he’d wake up in the middle of the night, sneak into Josh’s house, break into Laura and Bill’s rooms and do something awful to to them for hurting his friend.  
But when he awoke that morning, Josh had already been up for hours. He was smiling, he was laughing with Debby and Jenna. He was acting as if nothing had happened. The only indicator of the night before was the quarter-sized newly formed bruise on his collarbone, yellow and green.  
He was sixteen and a day.


	5. Under Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nobody reads this lol ouch

For a whole week after Josh’s birthday party, Laura did not speak to Josh and she would start crying the moment she woke up in the morning. Bill Dun got sick of this pretty quick, and after the third day, he spat at his wife: “If you’re going to carry on like that, don’t do it near me.”   
After that, she was careful to only do it when she was alone.   
It was a program on TV that gave her an answer. She was watching a religious show that led its viewers through daily prayer when, during one of its q&a sessions, she found an answer.   
A caller had said, “My seventeen year old daughter has been led aside by great sin, I caught her the other day naked and in bed with a boy. I was too shocked to say anything and closed the door and left, telling them to quickly get dressed and to meet me downstairs. She’s currently grounded, but I don’t know if she’ll take this lesson to heart. What do I do?”  
And the host of the show, Father Thornton, answered: “There is an excellent Catholic boarding school in Rhode Island, the Portsmouth Abbey School. The nuns there are very adept at squeezing disobedience from girls at an age where they have sin at every turn. I believe you should write to the Mother Superior there, and your daughter may be admitted.”  
And the address flashed onscreen.   
Laura stares at the screen, ideas and thoughts flashing through her head. She quickly grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and eagerly scribbled down the address.   
She waited until the next time all four of her her children had gone out and her husband had left for work, three days later.   
Hands shaking with glee, she smoothed out a sheet of heavy stationary paper, the same kind Josh’s birthday invitations were printed on, and pressed the tip of her pen into the page.   
Biting her lip, Laura Dun wrote the following letter:   
-  
-  
Portsmouth Abbey School  
Rhode Island  
285 Corys Lane, 02871  
Mother Superior  
-  
-  
Mother Superior-   
I write to you in great need of help. My daughter, Amy Delia Dun, has been led astray by a life of sin.   
She is sixteen years old. I beg you to take her when the school year begins again.   
My daughter is involved with a sinful group of teenagers. Some of her closest friends are boys. That pack of hooligans only encourages her vanity, and she pays no attention to me, her mother.   
They are thick as thieves, Mother Superior, and they only encourage each other’s bad behavior. They smoke and curse and the girls flaunt their bodies and have no shame. The public high school treats them like princesses. They put each other before God the Father, and I fear greatly for my daughter’s soul.   
It is not a bad school, her siblings do just fine there. She has two younger sisters and one older brother. However, the school builds vanity in her to the point where she no longer believes she must prostrate herself at the feet of Mother of Mercy, Advocate and Refuge of Sinners.  
I believe this behavior is encouraged by my husband, Bill Dun. He has spoiled Amy rotten the second she was born. For her recent birthday, he gifted her an expensive diamond ring. That is not a gift for your daughter, it is a gift intended to be given to your wife in Holy Matrimony.   
He is an atheist, Mother Superior, and he drinks. He is not the man I thought he was when we were young.  
It is not what my daughter has done to ME. It is what she has done to Holy Mother Church, and to the Blessed Virgin herself.   
She needs the discipline only the Portsmouth Abbey nuns can give her.   
-  
Yours in the name of Christ through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin,   
Mrs. Laura Dun  
-  
-  
She folded the paper, put it into the matching envelope and sealed it shut, brimming with a seething jealous anger. She licked a stamp and carefully positioned it in the top corner and carried it outside and got into her car. She drive to the post office and, before putting it in the bin to be mailed, she crossed herself for luck. The jealousy melted into a mean kind of satisfaction.


	6. Shipped Away

When Laura told Bill about the Portsmouth Abbey school, he hadn’t actually agreed, he just told her to hush and walked into his study, closing the door on both his wife and the subject.  
So Laura supposed that was a yes.  
Josh was up in his room and he had Debby and Jenna over. As Laura walked up the stairs she could hear them, talking and giggling.  
She had known Debby and Jenna through Josh for so long that she could actually tell which giggle belonged to which girl.  
The highest one was Jenna’s, she mused, with the enthusiasm of bubblegum. The feminine but mildly husky one belonged to Debby, and she could tell because it matched her hair, strong and robust. Laura sighed and thought, no good can come from a girl with hair that color. And the lowest one- almost as if it was pitched lower and throatier on purpose-, she thought disdainfully- is my daughter Amy’s.  
Laura entered the room without knocking and Josh and the girls fell silent, remembering the events from just a week or so before.  
Laura ignored Jenna and Debby’s presence as she gazed at Josh, boring into him with eyes that seemed to radiate intolerance.  
“Amy Dun, your father and I have made the decision to send you up to Rhode Island when school starts up again. You will attend the Portsmouth Abbey Catholic School, and the nuns will cleanse the rampant sin from you.”  
Josh and the girls stared at the woman in shock.  
“W-what? What do you mean, rampant sin? And why? What did I even do?” demanded Josh incredulously.  
“That kind of disobedience and insolence will be removed from you when you attend Portsmouth Abbey,” answered his mother. As she turned to leave, Josh could have sworn there was a smirk on her face.  
She pulled the door closed behind her and walked briskly down the stairs, a new kind of mean pride lightening her steps.  
Josh turned to Debby and Jenna, who were both still in shock.  
“I hate your mom,” snarled Debby.  
“She’s clearly so jealous of you. She’s trying to get rid of you, and for what? Your dad isn’t going to love her more with you gone. He hasn’t loved her since they got married in the first place!” cried Jenna.  
Josh stared at the wall, confusion and anger swirling in his brain.  
“Why would she do that? What did I even do wrong?!” he suddenly yelled.  
“That’s the worst part! You didn’t do anything at all!” Debby cried.  
Tears welled up in Josh’s eyes.  
“What am I going to do without you guys?” he whispered. “I won’t be able to see you or Tyler or Ryan or Brendon for a whole year.”  
Debby blinked rapidly to try and dispel the tears forming. “We can’t function without you, love,” she whispered.  
Jenna pulled Josh into her arms for a hug, and Debby rubbed soothing circles into Josh’s back. They stayed there for a long time, crying tears made from a mixture of anger, sadness, devastation, confusion and fear.

—————————————————

The rest of the summer went by quickly. After the whole group learned of Laura’s new plan to get rid of Josh, they decided they would make the most of every single day.  
They snuck out a lot at night to their spot in the woods, laying tangled and close together on the tarp, smoking and talking and sipping on whatever alcohol they’d stolen from their parent’s wine cabinets.  
They frequently went on drives at four in the morning, initiated by Debby texting them as she pulled up outside of their houses.  
In July, they went on a road trip to the beach, driven there and dropped off by Josh’s older brother, Jordan. They pitched tents on the sand and stayed overnight, cuddled up together in the same tent, all six of them, to keep warm.  
After everyone had fallen asleep, Josh was awake, his head resting on Tyler’s chest, Ryan’s arm thrown across his shoulders and Brendon’s legs sandwiched with his and Ryan’s. He thought about the warmth of Tyler’s body pressed against his, the soft and sweet smell of the shampoo coming Jenna’s long blond hair as she lay somewhere to his left, the pressure of Ryan’s arms on his collarbone, the weight of Brendons legs as they hugged his, the soft sound of Debby’s nose whistling quietly as she slept.  
I won’t have this closeness for a year, he thought, and all of a sudden he began to cry.  
His shoulders shaking roused Ryan from sleep, and he blearily rubbed his eyes.  
“Josh?” he whispered. It was dark, but light from an old, beat up LED lantern illuminated the tent enough to let Ryan see the reflection of Josh’s wet eyes.  
“What’s wrong?” he whispered, concern immediately saturating his voice. He sat up quickly, careful not to disturb Brendon, who was wrapped almost completely around his waist. He carefully snaked an arm down to hold Brendon in place.  
Josh started crying again at the sight of the two young teenagers, two of his best friends, wrapped around each other as if they were clinging to life itself.  
“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Ryan asked gently, ruffling Josh’s hair with his free hand.  
“It’s stupid,” muttered Josh.  
“Josh, I love and appreciate you like crazy. I promise you, it’s not stupid at all. I want to know what’s bothering you.”  
Then Ryan pulled his fool-proof look, the big round innocent bambi eyes. With his boyish face, honey brown eyes and golden voice, his bambi eyes were practically weapons-grade.  
Josh sighed. It always worked. “I just.. I’m going to miss this so much. I’m leaving in, like, a month, Ryan. I hate drifting apart from people and I just.. love you guys so much. I can’t stand not seeing you guys for a year and I really can’t stand not talking to or hugging you guys at all.”  
Ryan frowned. “We wouldn’t let you slip away that easy, you know that, right, Josh? We’re a stubborn bunch. We’ve got our hooks in you, and it’ll take a lot more than Catholic boarding school to get away,” he joked gently.  
Josh let out a tiny laugh. “I know logically that we’ll never drift. It just freaks me out when I think about it,” he confessed.  
When he turned back to Ryan, there was a smile on the others boy’s face and a look in his eye that shone of unconditional love and support.  
“We love you, man,” Ryan said softly. “I want you to remember that, always for infinity.”  
“I love you too,” Josh responded. Then he paused. “Always for infinity?”  
Ryan shrugged. “I dunno, it always makes me feel better when I say it.” He yawned, and Brendon nuzzled his face further into Ryan’s stomach.  
Josh watched Ryan gaze down at the boy with such a tender look that he knew immediately that Ryan was in love with Brendon, even if Ryan himself didn’t know it yet. And he knew it even more when Ryan ducked his head to plant a light kiss on Brendon’s forehead.  
It broke his heart to think about not being there to watch them fall in love with each other.  
“Go back to sleep, Ryan,” he said gently. “I feel a lot better now.”  
“Glad I could help,” Ryan grinned, yawning again. He waited for Josh to lie back down before he settled in next to him, this time wrapping his arms around Brendon instead of Josh.  
Josh just smiled and turned into Tyler’s chest. He finally drifted off to sleep, listening to the waves crashing against the shoreline, the soft sounds of the night, and Tyler’s soft breathing.


	7. One Last Day

Kelly Joseph angrily slammed the pizza dough into the counter. “I can’t believe they’re sending Josh away,” she growled as she furiously kneaded the dough.   
Tyler was eating breakfast next to his mom and the milk in his cereal bowl sloshed as Kelly beat up the poor unsuspecting dough.   
“I know,” sighed Tyler. “I knew this day would come eventually, it just sucks that it came so fast.” He put a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.   
It was the day before Josh had to leave for Portsmouth.   
“Are you okay, honey? Your father and I heard you crying last night.” Kelly paused to put some more flour on the counter.   
Tyler stared at his cereal. Was he okay? His best friend in the world, his other half, was going to be in Rhode Island for a year. Maybe he could visit, but he doubted it was possible, considering Josh was being sent to a conservative, all-girls Catholic school.   
When her son didn’t answer, Kelly Joseph moved to stand across from her son. “Your father and I cried too, you know?”  
Tyler stared. “Really?”  
Mrs. Joesph smacked him gently on the head with a floury hand. “Of course. We love Josh like our second son. And when you told us after his birthday what Laura did to him, we were just as angry as you were.” She frowned. “I just don’t understand why Laura wants him gone.” Then her eyes widened and she cried, “She didn’t find out about Josh being trans, right?”  
“Oh god, no,” reassured Tyler. “She’s just... jealous. I mean, we all think it’s jealousy, but Josh thinks he did something wrong to make his mom mad.”  
“That Laura,” muttered Kelly. “I’ve known her since high school, and she actually stole Bill Dun from her sister. She’s always been jealous of every woman in her life that seemed even a little better. I guess she can’t handle the thought of the man she stole no longer finding her appealing.”   
“It’s probably why she’s Catholic,” remarked Tyler. “It makes her feel superior.”  
“That’s exactly it,” agreed Kelly. She moved back to assault her pizza dough. “That woman needs to be taught a lesson,” she muttered.   
Tyler glances up sharply, amused. “As much as I hate the woman, I don’t think the proper way to keep Josh around is to kill her,” he joked.  
Kelly rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Changing the subject, she asked, “Is everything in place for today?”  
Tyler thought for a bit. “Yeah, I think so.”  
“Go over the plan again, will you?” She dusted flour off her hands.   
“Meet at Jenna’s house at 1:30, hang out until 3, have Debby and Ryan and Brendon pretend they have obligations but at different times and leave early, they come over here and help set up everything. Then at around four Jenna will say she has to start making dinner, she asks us to leave. I’ll ask Josh to come over and hang out, we’ll go out and get food so Jenna can make her way over here in time, and then I’ll call you five minutes before we get here, and then we have the surprise party.”  
Kelly nodded, tears in her eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much, honey,” she sighed. “I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.”   
As Tyler felt himself start crying again, his mother reached over and wrapped him tightly in her arms. 

————————————

“Hey Jenna! Is Josh here yet?” asked Brendon as soon as Jenna opened her door.   
“Hi Brendon. And no, but you can’t ask that! It sounds so suspicious!” Jenna put her hands on her hips.   
“Sorryyyy,” Brendon said as he walked into the house. “Ryan!” he cried as soon as he saw the other boy. He bounded up and attacked Ryan into a hug.   
Ryan used to be startled by this but quickly got used to it. Now as Brendon hugged him tightly around the waist, he just smiled and hugged him back. “Hey, Bren,” he said in his pleasant, light voice.   
“What did you get for Josh? Because I know we wanted to give him something really personal and sentimental but I don’t think mine is that great.”  
“Well, what did you get him?” Ryan asked.   
“I took a pottery class and I made a mug and I painted the X Files logo on it and glazed it with pictures of us and I need you guys to all write something on it and sign it,” said Brendon, all in one breath.   
“Brendon! That’s so sweet,” said Debby, who had just arrived. “Jenna and Tyler should sign it first, though, because we can do it at the Joseph’s house but they can’t,” she pointed out.   
“Ohhhh, you’re right,” agreed Brendon. “Can you get Jenna for me?”   
“You can’t?” teased Debby.   
“No, my hands are full.” Brendon shook his head in mock sadness.  
“You’re not holding anything!”  
“My hands are full of Ryan,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her. Brendon slid his hands around Ryan’s waist and pulled him close. Ryan choked, face turning red at Brendon’s words while Debby burst out laughing. 

—————————————

“Ahahaha! You can’t beat me,” crowed Brendon as Toad sailed past Yoshi. “I’m the Mario Kart king and you know it! Bow down, peasants!”  
Debby groaned. “You only beat me by a little! Shut upppp!”  
Josh leaned over and quietly asked, “Has anyone checked how much sugar he’s had?”  
Ryan winced. “I forgot to track it. But there’s a lot of Oreos and Sour Patch Kids gone so I assume... a lot?”  
Brendon leaped onto the couch and yelled, “WHO IS NEXT TO FEED MY EVER LASTING HUNGER FOR VICTORY??”  
“Oh, no,” Tyler quietly said. “We need to cut him off now, before he gets even crazier.”  
“It’s kind of cute though,” Ryan said, clearing the Oreos from the room.   
“Cute?” said Tyler incredulously, raising an eyebrow at Josh.   
“Don’t look at me, I don’t see it either,” laughed Josh.   
“Hey, uh, guys? My piano teacher called and set up an impromptu lesson, so I’m gonna head out,” called Ryan from the doorway.   
Josh ran over to hug him tightly. “Bye Ryan. I’ll see you tomorrow?”  
Ryan smiled, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “I wouldn’t miss it,” he said. “I’d miss you too much without seeing you before you had to go.”  
He wrapped his arms around Josh and squeezed, before putting on his jacket and leaving, waving goodbye and closing the door behind him.

—————————————

About thirty minutes later, Debby checked her phone and groaned. “The people I babysit for are heading out and they want me to watch their kid for a few hours. Okay if I go?”   
“Of course,” said Josh. Debby stepped over and hugged him tightly. “I’ll be there tomorrow to see you off, okay love?”  
And she left. 

——————————————

45 minutes passed before Brendon announced, “I think I had too much sugar and I don’t feel too good. I think I’ll go home and sleep it off.”  
“Oh gosh, are you okay? You never feel sick when you have too much sugar,” said Josh, a worried look on his face.   
Brendon caught Jenna’s eyes, caught off guard. He glanced quickly at Tyler, who wore the saw expression. Shit, why hadn’t they seen this coming when they were writing excuses?  
“Uh, I was jumping around a lot,” ad-libbed Brendon.   
“Alright,” said Josh, still not fully convinced. He wrapped Brendon in a hug, who immediately returned it. “Feel better soon, okay? Don’t come tomorrow if you feel really sick.”  
“Oh, I’m gonna be there tomorrow morning. There’s not way in hell I won’t,” Brendon said fiercely. He squeezed Josh again before leaving. 

———————————

In an hour, Jenna snapped off the TV and said apologetically, “I have to get started on dinner, guys, you’ll have to go.”  
Josh nodded and started to tidy up. “Don’t worry, we’ll get out of your way,” he joked.   
“Oh, honey. I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetie.” Jenna stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek. As Tyler and Josh left her house, Tyler turned to Josh and asked, “Taco Bell?”  
Jos grinned in response, the corners of his eyes crinkling.


	8. Good Riddance

"Open my present first!" Cried Brendon, pushing at Josh's arm.  
Josh laughed and reached for the small cardboard box with 'BRENDON' written across the top in Sharpie. He could smell the permanent marker, almost feel lightheaded as if he had been there when it was written.  
He carefully lifted out the mug nestled inside and smiled. "Bren, you made this?"  
He turned it over slowly in his fingers, remembering exactly which memories corresponded with the picture printed on the mug.  
"You remember that day?" asked Brendon eagerly, pointing the picture of them laughing on the beach. They were all holding ice cream cones except for Jenna, who was holding an orange popsicle. The sky was bright blue and cloudless, perfectly clear except for Debby's auburn hair flying back in the wind. Jenna's hair had been tied into a ponytail, but a few blonde strands had escaped and joined Debby's in the sky. They were sitting on the roof of Jordan's Jeep and Jordan had taken the picture right before he drove back home.  
That was from the night he realized Ryan and Brendon were in love.  
"Of course I do," he said quietly. "We buried Ryan in the sand and a bird almost pooped right on him." He stared at the picture for a few more moments before he turned the mug over to the back.  
He smiled briefly when he saw the lines of Sharpie. "You guys wrote stuff on it?" He asked, delighted.  
"We did just before you got here," confessed Debby. "Bren's pottery instructor put the mug in the kiln kinda late, so he just got it back today."  
Josh smiled and carefully laid the mug back in the box. "I'll read it later- if I did it now we'd be here forever with my crying. Thank you, Brendon. I love it," he said sincerely. Brendon leaned across the circle and hugged Josh tightly.  
This felt almost like his birthday party, opening presents, now nearly two months ago. The difference was, this party was only with the people he loved most in the world, everyone was dressed in clothes that actually felt comfortable, and he knew for a fact he wouldn't be recieving a Bible tonight.  
Jenna and Debby handed him a huge scrapbook. "We made this together," explained Debby.  
"It's pictures of all of us together. And everyone has their own personal section where they wrote you a letter and put their favorite pictures of just you and them," said Jenna.  
"You should just look through the group part for now, the individual parts will probably make you cry. I definitely cried when I was writing mine," Debby confessed.  
The picture on the cover of the scrapbook was of the six of them at their special spot next to the river in the woods. It was taken at nighttime, with Tyler's shitty camera with the weak flash. They were sitting on the tarp, probably drunk or high. Ryan's head was in Brendon's lap, and they were laughing at something that Josh couldn't recall. Debby was standing, head tossed back in laughter and she was pouring a beer into Jenna's mouth as she laid down on the tarp. Her legs were across Josh's lap and Josh had his arms resting comfortably on her knees. He was blowing smoke at the camera and holding a cigarette between two fingers. Tyler's arm was around Josh, fingers resting on his waist, and he was leaning a bit to take a drag from the cigarette in Josh's hand. Josh remembered that night- only he and Ryan had been sober at the end of it. The picture had been, if he remembered correctly, self-timered.  
Now, sitting in Tyler's living room, he gently ran his finger across the picture.  
"I love this picture," he said quietly.  
Tyler leaned over and smiled when he saw it. "Hey, I still have that on my camera roll. We took it, like, a month ago. I just remembered how high I was that night," he laughed.  
Josh looked up at his best friend and grinned. "You were drunk, too," he remembered.  
"I was not!"  
"Yuh- huh you were. I remember because you get SO messy when you're drunk," countered Josh. "You stripped that night and tried to climb a tree. Some poor squirrel cries every night because of you."  
"It's true," confirmed Ryan. "I remember you cried when you fell out of the tree and you called it homophobic because it wouldn't let you climb it."  
"Oh yeah, you kinda came out that night!" said Debby brightly.  
"Oh my god," groaned Tyler. "That's how you guys all knew before I actually came out?"  
"Yeah, sorry to break it to you," snickered Brendon.  
The real reason was that they all knew Tyler was in love with Josh, but the two hadn't actually realized it. So they felt it would be pretty mean if they broke it to them without Tyler realizing his feelings first.  
Smiling, Josh opened up the scrapbook, looking at the photos and getting absorbed in the memories.  
"This is amazing. Thank you so much, Jenna and Debby."  
"We love youuuuu," they squealed, taking turns hugging Josh tightly.  
Next, Ryan handed him a paper bag. "We all pitched in on this one. Tyler's parents did too, actually."  
Josh took out several folded pieces of cloth. After initial confusion, he laughed. "Ryan, are these.. custom beanies?"  
"I've been getting into fashion design lately," explained Ryan. "There are six beanies, one that represents each of us and one that represents Tyler's parents. Who are, like, your parents. Basically. I made them functionable, but with enough character that you know who each one is supposed to represent. And I made a bunch of enamel pins that go with each one."  
Josh held up a red one and studied the pins. Roses, feathers, coffee and guitar pins lined the bottom. A pearl and cloth rose decal sat in place of a pom-pom at the end.  
Josh grinned. "This one is definitely you, Ryan."  
Ryan made finger guns at Josh. "Yep."  
A light grey beanie with breakfast themed pins was meant to represent Jenna, Debby's was an auburn one similar to the color of her hair and with lipstick, film reel and movie themed pins. Brendon's was yellow, with piano, microphone and candy shaped pins. Tyler's was a dark grey, almost black, with alien, ukulele, and flower pins. The one for Tyler's parents, Kelly and Chris, was made of a light purple knit fabric. There was a fluffy white pom pom at the end and it was decorated with plant and pizza pins. At the bottom of the bag, there was a small box that rattled when Josh shook it.  
"More pins I made," explained Ryan. "These are just, like our names. And everyone picked one icon that they thought would remind you of them. I'm just the word "eccentric," but Brendon's is a candy shaped one, and Jenna has a Rapunzel one, and Debby's is a pair of sunglasses, and Tyler's is a pen. Kelly and Chris picked a house."  
"I can't even imagine how much effort this took," said Josh, tears in his eyes. "Thank you Ryan, I really, really love it." He hugged Ryan tightly, and Ryan lightly kissed his cheek.  
Tyler grinned sheepishly. "Mine's kinda lame now," he confessed. "But I still think it's the most meaningful thing I could've given you."  
From his pocket he pulled out a rumpled, red silk tie and handed it to Josh.  
Josh stared, confused. Then he held it up against Tyler's neck and immediately understood. "Oh my god," he said, eyes wide. "I love it. Thank you, Tyler." And he hugged Tyler as tightly as he could, burying his face into his neck.  
"....what", whispered Brendon to Ryan, who shrugged and whispered back, "I guess it's an inside thing."  
When the two seperated, Josh sniffled and Tyler gently wiped away the tear that started going down his cheek. The group of friends jumped as the front door opened and Kelly Joseph's voice called, "Are you all here?"  
"In the living room, Ma," called Tyler. He explained to his friends, "she was making a pizza but she ran out of cheese, so she left to buy some."  
"Josh, honey, it's so good to see you!" cried Mrs.Joseph as she spotted Josh. She set down her bag of groceries and hugged Josh tightly. "Hello, young man, taking care of yourself?"  
"Yes, ma'am, of course," said Josh, immediately returning the hug. "It's so good to see you."  
"Well, I'm just going to finish up the pizza so you kids can eat. Don't mind me," she said, picking up the groceries and bustling into the kitchen.  
"Mrs. Joseph?" called Josh.  
"Yes, dear?"  
"Thank you for the hat. And the pin."  
"Well, hon, I just picked the design and that's all. But I know what you mean, sweetie, and you're welcome."  
The rest of the night was spent in Tyler's room, eating his mom's homemade pizza and drinking Monster. They talked about the past and the future, and each of them cried at least once that night. Nobody wanted to think about Josh leaving the next morning or the hole it would carve into their lives. They could only count on meeting Josh the next morning at his house and driving to the airport together.  
They all did have to go home at around three in the morning. Josh had to sneak back into his house, the gifts in his backpack, Tyler's tie in his pocket. He barely had the energy to shower and brush his teeth before dropping into bed and sleeping like a rock.


End file.
